He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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