Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!