You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.