Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.