I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
BRING THE BAGELS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up