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Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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