I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.