It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off