The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.