We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?