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this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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