Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.