I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!