Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
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