Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.