I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was