I supernannyed him into submission
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.