Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (616)

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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  (616): Thank you for caring about my cervix. http://tfl.nu/akl3
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  We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?

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  Helmets.

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  (616): We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids? (609): Helmets. http://tfl.nu/n1xg
  Replies (6) Good night (730) Bad night (80)
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  dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida

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  (616): dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die (1-616): that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida http://tfl.nu/3jsk
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  Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.

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  (616): Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high. http://tfl.nu/9cx2
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  im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.

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  (616): im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake. http://tfl.nu/ht7z
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  2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

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  2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

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  (616): 2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll. (616): 2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll. http://tfl.nu/3aiz
  Replies (6) Good night (885) Bad night (237)
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  I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?

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  (616): I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day? http://tfl.nu/5vcx
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  was I really that bad?

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  you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage

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  (231): was I really that bad? (616): you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage http://tfl.nu/4ubm
  Replies (1) Good night (482) Bad night (197)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.

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  (616): I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once. http://tfl.nu/2lkb
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  I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"

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  (616): I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!" http://tfl.nu/jxqn
  Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
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  Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.

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  (616): Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me. http://tfl.nu/rp8b
  Replies (5) Good night (671) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
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  I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?

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  (616): I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night? http://tfl.nu/mkh7
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  Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.

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  Dude that's a hat trick!

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  I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.

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  (616): Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs. (1-616): Dude that's a hat trick! (616): I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out. http://tfl.nu/g50u
  Replies (8) Good night (1389) Bad night (162)
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  The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".

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  (616): The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag". http://tfl.nu/vc6w
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  You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.

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  (616): You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today. http://tfl.nu/z6l8
  Replies (2) Good night (612) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt