Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I supernannyed him into submission
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.