At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I supernannyed him into submission
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?