But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…