this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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