I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.