That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.