He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.