I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.