So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today