i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...