It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.