I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.