He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.