Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.