I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.