Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.