I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?