i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it