i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it