things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.