He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.