Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.