Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay