I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job