Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!