Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.