How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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