After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense