He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life