You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Where are you guys?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.