Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (828)

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just pee around me

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  (828): Just pee around me http://tfl.nu/21pc
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  While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee

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  You were drinking Everclear weren't you?

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  (828): While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee (1-828): You were drinking Everclear weren't you? http://tfl.nu/a4qg
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  Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.

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  (828): Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high. http://tfl.nu/spu2
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  If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.

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  (828): If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong. http://tfl.nu/ed76
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  does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?

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  if not i want to bang those glasses off his face

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  (828): does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you? (828): if not i want to bang those glasses off his face http://tfl.nu/l0mr
  Replies (4) Good night (1192) Bad night (215)
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  Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?

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  (828): Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis? http://tfl.nu/tjmy
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  Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.

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  (828): Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart. http://tfl.nu/7jwu
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  It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point

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  (828): It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point http://tfl.nu/65lu
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  I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone

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  (828): I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone http://tfl.nu/fll1
  Replies (1) Good night (273) Bad night (823)
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  You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.

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  Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room

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  (828): You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn. (828): Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room http://tfl.nu/vl43
  Replies (2) Good night (932) Bad night (164)
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  I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.

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  Did someone catch you and fuck you?

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  (828): I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes. (1-828): Did someone catch you and fuck you? http://tfl.nu/onw1
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  Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*

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  omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.

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  (828): Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist* (1-828): omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too. http://tfl.nu/j31b
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  btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..

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  (828): btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits.. http://tfl.nu/2wvn
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  just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...

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  (828): just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever... http://tfl.nu/nfkk
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  We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.

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  (828): We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it. http://tfl.nu/17vl
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