Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent