at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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