she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil