Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies