He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf