i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Loading more great texts...