Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body