It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I want to fling myself into the sun
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?