Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I want to fling myself into the sun
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.