you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time