sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways