He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Why can't burritos get me drunk