I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me