There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?