Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup