Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito