I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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