Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (931)

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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment

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  (931): I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment http://tfl.nu/k0uz
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  I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children

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  (931): I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children http://tfl.nu/92r8
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  Lets trade lives

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  And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears

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  (931): Lets trade lives (931): And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears http://tfl.nu/3fv6
  Replies (3) Good night (234) Bad night (322)
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  Playing nyquil pong with a cat again

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  (931): Playing nyquil pong with a cat again http://tfl.nu/9ic0
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  I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand

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  (931): I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand http://tfl.nu/pke8
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  I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma

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  (931): I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma http://tfl.nu/5uqx
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  Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.

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  (931): Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close. http://tfl.nu/0xt0
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  Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes

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  (931): Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes http://tfl.nu/7hsu
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (182)
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  He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob

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  Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic

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  (931): He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob (1-931): Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic http://tfl.nu/rfmh
  Replies (4) Good night (1310) Bad night (213)
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  He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you

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  (931): He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you http://tfl.nu/kuvj
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  ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT

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  (931): ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT http://tfl.nu/g173
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  You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet

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  (931): You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet http://tfl.nu/z0gl
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  My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation

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  (931): My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation http://tfl.nu/stoh
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  I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now

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  You gays are geniuses

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  (931): I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now (1-931): You gays are geniuses http://tfl.nu/19l5
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  Are we in any of the areas with tornados?

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  Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.

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  (520): Are we in any of the areas with tornados? (931): Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/dq1c
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