OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN