this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...