Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk