Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.