I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.