Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.