If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.