Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.