Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Louisiana (318)

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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude

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  (318): You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude http://tfl.nu/d0gl
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  Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.

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  (318): Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius. http://tfl.nu/se02
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  would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?

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  (318): would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase? http://tfl.nu/h5qz
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  She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.

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  (318): She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking. http://tfl.nu/r9ow
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  So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?

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  (318): So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt? http://tfl.nu/a1yi
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  You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable

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  You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.

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  (478): You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable (318): You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call. http://tfl.nu/575v
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  That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.

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  (318): That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot. http://tfl.nu/7dw2
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  I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.

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  (318): I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck. http://tfl.nu/uef5
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  Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".

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  (318): Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea". http://tfl.nu/c66k
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  I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.

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  (318): I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious. http://tfl.nu/bpk6
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  What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies

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  (318): What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies http://tfl.nu/mqvt
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  I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.

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  (318): I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change. http://tfl.nu/zbgz
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  I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

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  (318): I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye http://tfl.nu/xi6q
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  Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.

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  (318): Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION. http://tfl.nu/w8c8
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  As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.

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  (318): As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right. http://tfl.nu/x0n7
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