"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from