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  • Submitted by fuckin_a on Sep 20, 10 at 3:30pm

    asshole

  • Submitted by TMedStud on Sep 20, 10 at 5:41pm

    Hmm, you could mean two things by this. Either you a) cheated on her because you were so plastered that you couldn't even recognize faces, or b) use alcohol as an rationalization for your behavior. Either way, the above is a pretty strong indictment of your character, dickhead.

  • Submitted by fogitnozzel on Sep 20, 10 at 3:38pm

    I'd cheat on your gf cause somebody gave you a couple shots? You're a dick dude

    • 35 74
      Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 20, 10 at 5:46pm

      Since when does a fifth mean a couple of shots?

  • 91 43
    Submitted by OneHottMess on Sep 20, 10 at 6:02pm

    RAAAAAAANDY.... Whaaaat a douchebag. Loser.

    • 30 54
      Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 21, 10 at 4:33am

      Don't be jealous that I have a bottom bitch and you dont

  • 81 50
    Submitted by IMGr8NU on Sep 20, 10 at 5:33pm

    Too bad u need to get drunk first. She prolly could cheat on u without having to drink first.

    • 35 62
      Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 20, 10 at 5:48pm

      It's not that I need to, it's that a fifth of jim beam will fubar anybody. Sorry you aren't old enough to drink yet.

  • 73 42
    Submitted by mr_sphincter on Sep 20, 10 at 9:59pm

    So yer cheatin on her with a bottle of jb? If yer dick can fit in the neck of a jb bottle then i don't think yer gf really cares what u fuck as long as it's not her. On the other hand if it u needed a mickey bigmouth...

  • 69 50
    Submitted by PalmTree7104 on Sep 20, 10 at 10:22pm

    Why can't you break up with her FIRST then go run around, have sex with whomever you'd like and get someone preggo and/or give yourself an STD??? Save her the misery... Just saying.

    • 37 64
      Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 20, 10 at 10:51pm

      Cuz cheating = fucking the sluttiest, dirtiest girl you can find right?

      • 44 43
        Submitted by Taipan on Sep 20, 10 at 11:43pm

        You mean the type that go for men who are taken? Pretty much.

        • 62 37
          Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 21, 10 at 1:09am

          Im sorry youre a virgin and havnt learned that girls like a guy who's taken.

          • 70 59
            Submitted by TMedStud on Sep 21, 10 at 4:05am

            And I'm sorry you don't understand the concept of not being a complete dick. One day, you're going to cop an attitude with the wrong stranger and catch a healthy dose of fist to the face. Or an STD. Either way, it seems you're going to need a hard life lesson before you realize that your actions don't convey "cool"; they convey "I'm a piece of shit who can't control his impulses or his liquor."

          • 9 13
            Submitted by highlikekites on May 16, 12 at 2:38pm

            you are a complete idiot, AND, you keep apologizing for people "not being old enough to drink" or for them being "virgins." btw, who the fuck are you? wanna let us all know when you finally pass the eighth grade?

      • 33 59
        Submitted by TMedStud on Sep 21, 10 at 4:08am

        Oh, why didn't you say that before? I wasn't aware until now that the lack-of-slut factor made being a complete douche acceptable.

        • 36 46
          Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 21, 10 at 4:36am

          Its hilarious how mad youre getting. Are you that kid who hates the guys who get girls because you can't get any yourself? FYI, I've been in plenty of fights for being a douchebag so it's not much of a "one day it will happen" thing. And if you ever felt a vagina before you'd have the same impulses as any other guy.

        • 33 56
          Submitted by Taipan on Sep 21, 10 at 8:07am

          Ooookaaay I know I made the same mistake but let's not feed the troll anymore you guys. It's getting fat. And attention.

  • 68 50
    Submitted by Taipan on Sep 20, 10 at 5:12pm

    They can do just that, actually.

  • 59 38
    Submitted by archer79 on Sep 21, 10 at 4:45pm

    It's called self control, ass clown. Anyone with half a brain knows not to drink that damn much because they'll be paying for it. If you can't do something without acting like a fucktard then maybe you shouldn't do it? Not too many of us women really enjoy whiskeydick anyway.

  • 65 51
    Submitted by jrosenroser on Sep 21, 10 at 3:03am

    Lol she's prob doing the same to you except on purpose .... Laughing her ass off to her boy toy giggling about how your penis is so small is can fit in a in Jim bean bottle - your a tool!

    • 46 31
      Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 21, 10 at 4:39am

      Pass 5th grade grammar and then start giving me life lessons, k?

  • 66 62
    Submitted by ilovsbigones on Sep 20, 10 at 5:22pm

    Oh the prices you pay for STDs

    • 28 52
      Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 21, 10 at 4:42am

      I forgot every single girl in this world has an STD, and I also forgot every single guy in this world uses unprotected sex.

  • 52 42
    Submitted by prophetchuck on Sep 21, 10 at 2:14am

    Am I the only person left in our generation who still has that moment when my brain says enough and listens?

  • 60 58
    Submitted by teeenagedream on Sep 21, 10 at 1:04am

    Cunt

  • 54 48
    Submitted by anonymouse4 on Sep 21, 10 at 8:00am

    I'm sure you're a cheating douchenozzle with or without alcohol. Stop making excuses.

  • 54 49
    Submitted by cfreymarc on Sep 20, 10 at 7:17pm

    Good odds they cheat on each other and they are just a mutual steady lay.

    • 33 58
      Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 20, 10 at 11:33pm

      basically

      • 20 32
        Submitted by lovetexts2011 on May 15, 11 at 3:36pm

        so then don't call her your girlfriend...problem solved

  • 50 44
    Submitted by dumsumbitch on Sep 20, 10 at 11:01pm

    You're a winner now aren't you.

  • 44 37
    Submitted by cldean3 on Sep 22, 10 at 12:31am

    I'd rather the bf get plastered with me than in some random place and cheat on me. What's wrong with getting wasted with your bf/gf? It's like getting drunk with your best friend. Or it is getting drunk with your best friend! A couple that drinks together stays together.\nOh raaaannnndddyyy, you're a douche.

  • 56 62
    Submitted by Nightmarica on Sep 21, 10 at 2:50pm

    What a douchebag. Your not cool or anything. I can think of only negative adjectives to describe you. Word from the wise, karma is a bitch

  • 47 44
    Submitted by BIG_PELOTAS on Sep 20, 10 at 9:22pm

    Have a 5th of hard liquor w/ bitches dancing around u

  • 67 85
    Submitted by OneHottMess on Sep 21, 10 at 5:19am

    Heyyyy white trash RAAAAANDY! WTF is a "bottom bitch"?! You're right, I don't have one -I'm not a douchebag. You appear to be quite the dickhead though. Keep counting your lame ass TFLN publications. They suck more dick than the skanks you cheat with, only after your weak fifth of jim beam. Get some money you scumbag

  • 44 43
    Submitted by goldenrae9 on Sep 21, 10 at 8:51am

    That Raaandy dude seems to have something to prove. Maybe it's dick size--the less you have the more you gotta act like it. C'mon, Raaandy, respond with a douche comment. You know you want to.

  • 46 51
    Submitted by hentailover on Sep 21, 10 at 4:46am

    Dude, raaaaaaaandy....do you really want to respond to every comment??? That seems like a lot of hard work.....

  • 55 70
    Submitted by usarmyinfantry on Sep 21, 10 at 11:58am

    It's ok guys she can't hear any if this anyway cause some other guys slapping his balls on her chin

  • 43 51
    Submitted by Maynecat on Sep 20, 10 at 11:00pm

    Why dun u drink that much around ur gf n fuck her instead of some slut? Not that I'm calling ur gf a slut but she must b mental in someway to not realize ur a fucktard.

    • 30 44
      Submitted by shitjustgotreal on Sep 21, 10 at 1:46am

      cuz his girlfriend probably isn't on-call 24/7?

      • 30 42
        Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 21, 10 at 4:38am

        Why the fuck would I get drunk to fuck my own gf? Every guy knows you never drink a fifth of god damn jim beam around your girl unless you're looking to get into trouble.

  • 39 44
    Submitted by Wsupbitch412 on Sep 21, 10 at 7:37pm

    Let's grow up, assholes. He'll do what he wants. It's a fucking website, get over yourselves your not helping anyone by bitching at him. Okay, thanks.

  • 50 67
    Submitted by CrimpyCrimpy on Sep 21, 10 at 10:39am

    That's no excuse. You're a cunt.

  • 55 77
    Submitted by roughneck on Sep 20, 10 at 6:19pm

    I can relate to this guy. Jim and me are the best and worst friends.

  • 46 64
    Submitted by Xatu on Sep 22, 10 at 8:59am

    The massive baaawing in the comments is more lulzy than the text itself

  • 36 45
    Submitted by prometheus on Sep 21, 10 at 1:25am

    I'll answer what OP is saying with a quote "No" Amy Carter

  • 33 42
    Submitted by OneHottMess on Sep 21, 10 at 5:22am

    (CONT'd...)

  • 43 63
    Submitted by sal1160 on Sep 20, 10 at 9:24pm

    Ahh, the Beam and I got a complicated relationship...

  • 34 46
    Submitted by kippipie on Sep 21, 10 at 3:59pm

    Grow up, you immature motherfucker.

  • 38 58
    Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 21, 10 at 2:10am

    EPIC TRUTH

  • 31 48
    Submitted by iltby on Sep 22, 10 at 3:30pm

    Yeah, you can, it's called being a decent human being. You should try it.

  • 35 56
    Submitted by dudeimshawn on Sep 20, 10 at 9:39pm

    fucking classy

  • 33 55
    Submitted by kristileo on Sep 20, 10 at 7:12pm

    You stay classy, 818.

  • 31 52
    Submitted by sexyupsguy on Sep 21, 10 at 10:21pm

    He can't get pregnant being sexual with another man so this doesn't really count as cheating, right?

  • 30 51
    Submitted by SALIA on Sep 21, 10 at 3:06am

    Unless "Jim Beam" is a horny hooker, then yeah, I can.

  • 30 52
    Submitted by conniecaro24 on Sep 26, 10 at 6:38am

    One day you'll find a girl you really love, and she'll leave you with aids and a bad itch.

  • 12 18
    Submitted by highlikekites on May 16, 12 at 2:56pm

    you're the type of loser who posts a text that you personally wrote because you thought it was THAT hilarious, and yet you have to come on here, as was evidenced by all of your comments, intermittently in order to defend all of the presumably funny parts. You're a total ignoramus that needs to learn how to drink without being a complete douchebag.

  • 10 19
    Submitted by highlikekites on May 16, 12 at 2:53pm

    you're the type of loser that posts a text that you personally wrote because you thought it was THAT hilarious, but then you have to, as was evidenced by all of the comments you've posted, come on here intermittently to "defend" each presumably funny aspect of the text. You're an ignoramus moron that needs to get a life, learn how to drink, and give up your relationship and do the single thing. #dbag

  • Submitted by tunez33 on Sep 20, 10 at 3:27pm

    First

  • Submitted by jackdan on Sep 20, 10 at 4:32pm

    ... His gf prob runnin round on him. Fuck her. Play on playa

  • Submitted by RAAAAAAAANDY on Sep 20, 10 at 5:45pm

    Lmao this is text number 8 of mine. I'm awesome.