You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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Hmm, you could mean two things by this. Either you a) cheated on her because you were so plastered that you couldn't even recognize faces, or b) use alcohol as an rationalization for your behavior. Either way, the above is a pretty strong indictment of your character, dickhead.
I'd cheat on your gf cause somebody gave you a couple shots? You're a dick dude
Since when does a fifth mean a couple of shots?
RAAAAAAANDY.... Whaaaat a douchebag. Loser.
Don't be jealous that I have a bottom bitch and you dont
So yer cheatin on her with a bottle of jb? If yer dick can fit in the neck of a jb bottle then i don't think yer gf really cares what u fuck as long as it's not her. On the other hand if it u needed a mickey bigmouth...
Too bad u need to get drunk first. She prolly could cheat on u without having to drink first.
It's not that I need to, it's that a fifth of jim beam will fubar anybody. Sorry you aren't old enough to drink yet.
Why can't you break up with her FIRST then go run around, have sex with whomever you'd like and get someone preggo and/or give yourself an STD??? Save her the misery... Just saying.
Cuz cheating = fucking the sluttiest, dirtiest girl you can find right?
You mean the type that go for men who are taken? Pretty much.
Im sorry youre a virgin and havnt learned that girls like a guy who's taken.
And I'm sorry you don't understand the concept of not being a complete dick. One day, you're going to cop an attitude with the wrong stranger and catch a healthy dose of fist to the face. Or an STD. Either way, it seems you're going to need a hard life lesson before you realize that your actions don't convey "cool"; they convey "I'm a piece of shit who can't control his impulses or his liquor."
you are a complete idiot, AND, you keep apologizing for people "not being old enough to drink" or for them being "virgins." btw, who the fuck are you? wanna let us all know when you finally pass the eighth grade?
Oh, why didn't you say that before? I wasn't aware until now that the lack-of-slut factor made being a complete douche acceptable.
Its hilarious how mad youre getting. Are you that kid who hates the guys who get girls because you can't get any yourself? FYI, I've been in plenty of fights for being a douchebag so it's not much of a "one day it will happen" thing. And if you ever felt a vagina before you'd have the same impulses as any other guy.
Ooookaaay I know I made the same mistake but let's not feed the troll anymore you guys. It's getting fat. And attention.
They can do just that, actually.
Lol she's prob doing the same to you except on purpose .... Laughing her ass off to her boy toy giggling about how your penis is so small is can fit in a in Jim bean bottle - your a tool!
Pass 5th grade grammar and then start giving me life lessons, k?
Am I the only person left in our generation who still has that moment when my brain says enough and listens?
Oh the prices you pay for STDs
I forgot every single girl in this world has an STD, and I also forgot every single guy in this world uses unprotected sex.
It's called self control, ass clown. Anyone with half a brain knows not to drink that damn much because they'll be paying for it. If you can't do something without acting like a fucktard then maybe you shouldn't do it? Not too many of us women really enjoy whiskeydick anyway.
Have a 5th of hard liquor w/ bitches dancing around u
I'm sure you're a cheating douchenozzle with or without alcohol. Stop making excuses.
You're a winner now aren't you.
That Raaandy dude seems to have something to prove. Maybe it's dick size--the less you have the more you gotta act like it. C'mon, Raaandy, respond with a douche comment. You know you want to.
What a douchebag. Your not cool or anything. I can think of only negative adjectives to describe you. Word from the wise, karma is a bitch
Heyyyy white trash RAAAAANDY! WTF is a "bottom bitch"?! You're right, I don't have one -I'm not a douchebag. You appear to be quite the dickhead though. Keep counting your lame ass TFLN publications. They suck more dick than the skanks you cheat with, only after your weak fifth of jim beam. Get some money you scumbag
Good odds they cheat on each other and they are just a mutual steady lay.
so then don't call her your girlfriend...problem solved
It's ok guys she can't hear any if this anyway cause some other guys slapping his balls on her chin
Dude, raaaaaaaandy....do you really want to respond to every comment??? That seems like a lot of hard work.....
you're the type of loser who posts a text that you personally wrote because you thought it was THAT hilarious, and yet you have to come on here, as was evidenced by all of your comments, intermittently in order to defend all of the presumably funny parts. You're a total ignoramus that needs to learn how to drink without being a complete douchebag.
you're the type of loser that posts a text that you personally wrote because you thought it was THAT hilarious, but then you have to, as was evidenced by all of the comments you've posted, come on here intermittently to "defend" each presumably funny aspect of the text. You're an ignoramus moron that needs to get a life, learn how to drink, and give up your relationship and do the single thing. #dbag
That's no excuse. You're a cunt.
The massive baaawing in the comments is more lulzy than the text itself
I'll answer what OP is saying with a quote "No" Amy Carter
Why dun u drink that much around ur gf n fuck her instead of some slut? Not that I'm calling ur gf a slut but she must b mental in someway to not realize ur a fucktard.
cuz his girlfriend probably isn't on-call 24/7?
Why the fuck would I get drunk to fuck my own gf? Every guy knows you never drink a fifth of god damn jim beam around your girl unless you're looking to get into trouble.
I'd rather the bf get plastered with me than in some random place and cheat on me. What's wrong with getting wasted with your bf/gf? It's like getting drunk with your best friend. Or it is getting drunk with your best friend! A couple that drinks together stays together.\nOh raaaannnndddyyy, you're a douche.
Ahh, the Beam and I got a complicated relationship...
Yeah, you can, it's called being a decent human being. You should try it.
He can't get pregnant being sexual with another man so this doesn't really count as cheating, right?
Let's grow up, assholes. He'll do what he wants. It's a fucking website, get over yourselves your not helping anyone by bitching at him. Okay, thanks.
I can relate to this guy. Jim and me are the best and worst friends.
One day you'll find a girl you really love, and she'll leave you with aids and a bad itch.
Unless "Jim Beam" is a horny hooker, then yeah, I can.
Grow up, you immature motherfucker.
You stay classy, 818.
... His gf prob runnin round on him. Fuck her. Play on playa
Lmao this is text number 8 of mine. I'm awesome.
you're a tool