Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
sex on a bike is impossible
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.