I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
sex on a bike is impossible
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.