well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.