If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
7 Great Movies – with Drinking Games that Make them Even Better
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
15 Things You’ll Miss About College – and 7 Things You Definitely Won’t
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a Children’s Book About Donald Trump’s Hair, and it’s as Weird as You’d Expect It to Be