There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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