Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen