Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
he's single and there are thong briefs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.