I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
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