passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie