In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You can make out without kissing
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.