You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.