My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".