I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now