The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
I was spiderman.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.