Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (609)

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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(609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1

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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.

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(609): and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience. http://tfl.nu/1o4v

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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

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(609): His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me. http://tfl.nu/x400

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i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together

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(609): i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together http://tfl.nu/y1xi

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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single

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(609): you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single http://tfl.nu/hya7

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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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(609): Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life. http://tfl.nu/eqwc

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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

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(609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r

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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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(609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj

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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.

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(609): you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off. http://tfl.nu/5lgs

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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.

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(609): i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you. http://tfl.nu/fon6

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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night

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(609): id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night http://tfl.nu/kxc6

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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied

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(609): I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied http://tfl.nu/rkdz

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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

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(609): I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke. http://tfl.nu/r10e

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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems

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(609): i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems http://tfl.nu/8tgm

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imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.

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(609): imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift. http://tfl.nu/z6oe

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Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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