Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?