That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position