Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (609)

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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(609): View more from New Jersey

jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face

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(609): jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face http://tfl.nu/r9ws

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(616): View more from Michigan

We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?

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Helmets.

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(616): We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids? (609): Helmets. http://tfl.nu/n1xg

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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

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YOU ARE MY HERO

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(609): I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet... (856): YOU ARE MY HERO http://tfl.nu/qvso

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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.

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(609): So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me. http://tfl.nu/54rj

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Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS

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(609): Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS http://tfl.nu/rllj

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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...

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You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"

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(609): I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies... (1-609): You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award" http://tfl.nu/ecqm

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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.

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(609): I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room. http://tfl.nu/he9i

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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help

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(609): TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help http://tfl.nu/xrr6

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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.

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(609): Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order. http://tfl.nu/89fj

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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?

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Yeah. It's not just the beard either.

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(412): she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe? (609): Yeah. It's not just the beard either. http://tfl.nu/x9o7

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I thought you wanted to talk?

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What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?

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(609): I thought you wanted to talk? (908): What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk? http://tfl.nu/h1nx

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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.

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(609): When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/ourm

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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.

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We won Spring Training 2013.

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(609): We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them. (609): We won Spring Training 2013. http://tfl.nu/awkc

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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?

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(609): Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex? http://tfl.nu/f6pa

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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.

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(609): He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler. http://tfl.nu/dd1c

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Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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