I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.