Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.