And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.