Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.