Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (817)

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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.

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  (817): I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream. http://tfl.nu/kzw3
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  Do you have any booze?

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  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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  (817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57
  Replies (8) Good night (1833) Bad night (195)
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  I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.

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  (817): I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/7tra
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  Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.

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  (817): Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/91us
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  I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.

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  (817): I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face. http://tfl.nu/oog9
  Replies (8) Good night (394) Bad night (3170)
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  Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?

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  (817): Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys? http://tfl.nu/z6j2
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  i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago

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  (817): i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago http://tfl.nu/3uom
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  there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...

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  (817): there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution... http://tfl.nu/4s12
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  your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha

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  (817): your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha http://tfl.nu/t468
  Replies (8) Good night (1796) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

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  (817): No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds. http://tfl.nu/9tr4
  Replies (11) Good night (1821) Bad night (266)
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  Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.

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  (817): Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday. http://tfl.nu/w47f
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  she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable

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  (817): she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable http://tfl.nu/cijd
  Replies (13) Good night (410) Bad night (1642)
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  There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.

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  (817): There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be. http://tfl.nu/26vp
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  Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello

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  (817): Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello http://tfl.nu/5ss8
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  Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  This hangover makes more sense now

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  (817): Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"... (1-817): This hangover makes more sense now http://tfl.nu/3zvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2098) Bad night (246)