Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole