In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.