what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress