I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.