The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once