Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (432)

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Last Night in Texas (432)

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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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(432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line. http://tfl.nu/q8nl

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Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.

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(432): Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever. http://tfl.nu/tyrw

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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??

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(432): Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips?? http://tfl.nu/qj3i

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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?

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(432): I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good? http://tfl.nu/n0mc

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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.

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(432): I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame. http://tfl.nu/e3aq

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This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.

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(432): This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire. http://tfl.nu/8ui6

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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!

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(432): There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses! http://tfl.nu/cuv6

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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.

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(432): So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers. http://tfl.nu/pze4

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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.

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(432): Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know. http://tfl.nu/dusl

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He looks like he has a penis

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What the fuck

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A good one, a good penis

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(432): He looks like he has a penis (210): What the fuck (432): A good one, a good penis http://tfl.nu/0vhk

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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

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(432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be

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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

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(432): Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat" http://tfl.nu/ofhr

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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.

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(432): then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going. http://tfl.nu/r8d5

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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway

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(432): To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway http://tfl.nu/h9fr

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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.

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(432): His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex. http://tfl.nu/07s4

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Last Night in Texas (432)

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