It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.