I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?