If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops