Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"