did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said