All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list