They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I want to ride his face like a jet ski