I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.