We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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