Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today