just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.