Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.