i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."